Thursday, August 09, 2007

Those Things That Sag

I saw a mom I know at the day care today. A couple of days ago, the sperm donor asked if I had seen this mom's new set of boobs. So today I took notice. She has four sons, the youngest of which is in Anja's toddler room. I imagine she probably breastfed at least one of those. Today, her boobs looked bigger and perkier.

Sigh.

Breastfeeding is not kind to your boobs. Yes - it's nice at first. I vaguely recollect an old blog entry in which I wrote about waking in the morning looking like a porn star after Anja slept through the night for one of the first times. But when your boobs no longer contain large volumes of milk, they return to their pre-pregnancy size and seem more affected by gravity than ever. I remember before I became pregnant with Anja I used to be able to go out in a cute little tank top and no bra. Now I can't leave the house without a bra. It's really sad.

Anja's ENT stated I should get a medal for breastfeeding Anja for a whole year. Screw his medal. I would like to propose that if you breastfeed your child for a year, you get a free boob job. Go for two years, you get a complimentary tummy tuck thrown in as well. Have more than one child? I haven't figured out the reward for that yet. Maybe a trip to show off your fabulous boobs.

I have no idea who I should propose this idea to. If public health officials are as gung ho as they say they are about promoting breastfeeding, they might want to consider offering these incentives. I would sure sign up.

1 comment:

(S)wine, Inc. said...

oh man...there is so much fodder in this post; but i'll refrain, and just say: you are a mother. it's the most wonderful, most complicated thing in the world. you should feel no need to struggle over benign issues such as the one you mention in this post. i absolutely loathe society for making us think this way.