Friday, August 19, 2005

The First Check-Up

The sperm donor and I went to our first prenatal check-up yesterday. There has got to be a study done by JAMA or something that can provide a percentage of what patients hear compared to how much physicians say! Even if this woman had said one word per minute, I still may have not digested it all. So many things...when I will have ultrasounds...will I need an amnio...what to to exercise (apparently this is NOT the time to start training for a marathon) often I need to see the doctor...can we still have sex (this was actually the first thing she said)...and the dreaded word, miscarriage. Had no idea the rate was so high...40% of pregnancies result in miscarriage!! Which really kind of freaked me out.

We walked out of the office, me holding all of my little appointment cards and my information sheets, the sperm donor holding all of my vitamin samples, and I just started to cry. We had been so shocked and stunned that I had gotten pregnant so quickly that I suddenly just started to digest it all, right there in front of the elevator. And I was scared. Was?? Am. I'm a good person - I eat right, I exercise, I take care of myself. I'm not a crack whore. I'm not living a reckless lifestyle (well, not anymore...). I have a wonderful, amazing, lovable man in the sperm donor. And all I want, more than anything in the world right now, is a healthy baby. So, here I sit - the person with the inclination to control everything, suddenly finding out just how much is beyond my control.

Everyone is so excited. I told my boss today, and she was thrilled. My mother bought her own copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting, so she would know what I'm going through, even though she has done this herself before. She found some little Winnie the Pooh prints, wants to go to the children's bookstore in the city where she lives (in addition to football geek, I'm also come from a family of bookworms). I long to feel that kind of excitement.

Good thing I go to therapy.

I like Aidan as a boy name. It's Celtic for fire. Sperm donor likes Celtic things

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