Nissa is getting bigger

One of my friends (who affectionately referred to herself earlier today as Lunatic Girlfriend) sent me a fun email yesterday. Certainly many have tried this. You enter "(your name) is" onto Google for an instant ego trip (God help me if you need further directions on that). Anyway, one of the results that popped up was "Nissa is getting bigger." Which I thought was fitting, considering the positive pregnancy test that entered my existence last weekend. Other coincidentally true results included "Nissa is 'The Classy' seductress of passion and pure pleasure, but without the tag or baggage" and "Nissa is absolutely straight forward and honest. There is no artifice or pretension to this woman. She's hot and sexy and she knows it..." Unfortunately, Nissa is no longer "active in local bar activities."

The sperm donor and I did the pregnancy test on Sunday. I assumed it would be positive because I had experienced no PMS when I was supposed to and my boobs were suddenly the size of cantelopes. Oh - and we had been engaging in unprotected sex. I originally thought about waiting to do the test until I was four or five days late, but I had this dream (correction: nightmare) in which the word "Not" kept flashing on and off on the digital display, thus producing the ambiguous result of "Pregnant. Not Pregnant. Pregnant. Not Pregnant." I'm all for ambiguous genetalia and ambiguous roadsigns, but on that Sunday morning I was not a huge fan of the ambiguous pregnancy test. I told the sperm donor that I would rather be scared about being pregnant than be scared about whether or not I was at all.

The sperm donor thought it unusual that I directed him into the bathroom to be present for the momentous occasion. He's like, "What? You want me to watch you pee?" Yes. And, apparently it's pretty amusing to watch your spousal unit squat awkardly over a toilet, attempting to aim a small strip of paper into a stream of pee (it amazes me that men don't seem to comprehend how difficult it is for a woman to pee in a cup). Laughter aside, the little digital display only said "Pregnant." And it stayed "Pregnant". And that is how I became a dear in the headlights...the sperm donor's idea.

Read at will. Comment at will. I'm not going anywhere for at least nine months.